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I For One Welcome Our New Gay Overlords

I hate to say it, but the latest Orson Scott Card screed against the evils of gay marriage just bores me. There's nothing new or interesting or original there. Mammals should be straight, women should be at home raising the kids, and men should take care of their women. Just to be clear though, Card is no homophobe. Oh no, his complaints are "the mildest of comments critical of the political agenda of homosexual activists." You know, mild comments like how the legal recognition of gay marriage "marks the end of democracy in America."

I suppose I can kind of understand his fear (I mean, his mild discomfort). The last time I checked the research, heterosexuals were still a clear majority in this country. And yet homosexuality is about to destroy democracy. They've infiltrated the schools, turning them into "propaganda mills" for the homosexual agenda. They've conquered the mental health profession, so that "anyone who deviates from the politically correct line" will soon be "officially classified as 'mentally ill'". They're powerful enough to defy "permanent fact[s] of nature". Card even talks about how "gay marriage has become a requirement."

That's right, straight people. If we don't stop this movement, Richard Simmons and the Rainbow Militia will break down your door and force you into the bonds of gaytrimony.

If this minority has such power, how can the rest of us hope to resist? And Card has convinced me this is probably for the best. After all, the homosexuals are about to overthrow our government ... and they've accomplished this regime change with far fewer casualties than our current government has managed. Imagine how differently Iraq could have gone if Ellen Degeneres and George Takei had been in charge! Worried about the environment? Don't be -- our gay rulers can brush aside permanent facts of nature! Under their rule, we'll simply learn to breathe CO2 and rebuild our power plants to run off of sparkling mineral water.

Well, I for one welcome our new homosexual overlords. I'd also like to remind them that as a trusted author, I can be helpful in rounding up others to toil in the engine rooms of their big gay boat rides.

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( 170 comments — Leave a comment )
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amysisson
Jul. 30th, 2008 02:12 pm (UTC)
Thanks for the humor and perspective!
jimhines
Jul. 30th, 2008 02:21 pm (UTC)
I do what I can :-)
(no subject) - ginasketch - Jul. 30th, 2008 03:13 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - ms_daisy_cutter - Jul. 30th, 2008 06:17 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - jimhines - Jul. 30th, 2008 06:20 pm (UTC) - Expand
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michaeldthomas
Jul. 30th, 2008 02:13 pm (UTC)
What bothers me most is how the homosexual agenda has taken over my SF cons.


jimhines
Jul. 30th, 2008 02:23 pm (UTC)
::Snort:: I plead the 5th.
(no subject) - livia_llewellyn - Jul. 30th, 2008 02:42 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - jimhines - Jul. 30th, 2008 02:44 pm (UTC) - Expand
pnkrokhockeymom
Jul. 30th, 2008 02:22 pm (UTC)
Dear Jim, I love you. Thanks! Kimberly
pnkrokhockeymom
Jul. 30th, 2008 02:36 pm (UTC)
So instead of writing my own screed, I just linked to yours. Because yours has humor! I would just have got all frothy right back at him.
(no subject) - jimhines - Jul. 30th, 2008 02:39 pm (UTC) - Expand
michaeldthomas
Jul. 30th, 2008 02:23 pm (UTC)
Hey, I have a new reason to join SFWA:

Having access to the private forums when Orson Scott Card becomes a Damon Knight Grand Master.

ashenseraph
Jul. 30th, 2008 02:23 pm (UTC)
As a proud member of the propaganda mills (yes, undermining the heterosexuality of my students is why I cover queer theory in my university film course and belong to the school's "Safe Zone" program), I'd completely support a GLBTIQ bid to take over the U.S. government.
jimhines
Jul. 30th, 2008 02:29 pm (UTC)
Nobody look directly at ashenseraph or she'll hypnotize you with her GLBTIQ mesmerstare!
(no subject) - sistercoyote - Jul. 30th, 2008 04:30 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - liminalia - Jul. 30th, 2008 04:58 pm (UTC) - Expand
antonstrout
Jul. 30th, 2008 02:25 pm (UTC)
I think this is Jim's not-so-secret way of accepting my marriage proposal while we're at Gencon together!

You've made me a very happy fantasist!
michaeldthomas
Jul. 30th, 2008 02:28 pm (UTC)
Pat Rothfuss is allowed to marry people. :)
(no subject) - antonstrout - Jul. 30th, 2008 02:28 pm (UTC) - Expand
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(no subject) - kelly_swails - Jul. 30th, 2008 05:21 pm (UTC) - Expand
ginasketch
Jul. 30th, 2008 02:26 pm (UTC)
A term that has mental-health implications (homophobe) is now routinely applied to anyone who deviates from the politically correct line. How long before opposing gay marriage, or refusing to recognize it, gets you officially classified as "mentally ill"

Aw poor baby.
jimhines
Jul. 30th, 2008 02:32 pm (UTC)
How long was homosexuality listed in the DSM? As I recall, it didn't get removed until the DSM-IV...
(no subject) - ginasketch - Jul. 30th, 2008 03:02 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - rarelylynne - Jul. 30th, 2008 04:33 pm (UTC) - Expand
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(no subject) - heldc - Jul. 30th, 2008 06:21 pm (UTC) - Expand
(Deleted comment)
sboydtaylor
Jul. 30th, 2008 03:54 pm (UTC)
I wrote a response column before I saw this, but linked to yours anyway because it's better :)

*bows before the master*

Edited at 2008-07-30 03:54 pm (UTC)
steve_buchheit
Jul. 30th, 2008 02:31 pm (UTC)
How long before opposing gay marriage, or refusing to recognize it, gets you officially classified as "mentally ill"

You know, like how we used to treat homosexuals themselves.

I think it was more his call for overthrow of the government if they don't stop this gay movement that put him squarely in the "tin-foil hat brigade."
jimhines
Jul. 30th, 2008 02:33 pm (UTC)
He did seem to get a little frothy by the end of it, didn't he.
(no subject) - steve_buchheit - Jul. 30th, 2008 02:42 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - ginasketch - Jul. 30th, 2008 03:07 pm (UTC) - Expand
(Deleted comment)
p_sunshine
Jul. 30th, 2008 02:35 pm (UTC)
*shakes head sadly*
What a load of crap. Save a boat for me.
jimhines
Jul. 30th, 2008 02:45 pm (UTC)
Will do! Also, I love that icon.
stargatedragon
Jul. 30th, 2008 02:36 pm (UTC)
guess he won't be going to Canada any time soon, eh?

I really, REALLY hate it when authors let their personal biases get into their stories. It puts me off movies, books and their entire body of work when I see someone acting like an idiot and can't imagine it NOT transferring into their work. Of course, in this case he'll keep preaching and no one will say anything because of Who He Is.

bah.

jimhines
Jul. 30th, 2008 02:38 pm (UTC)
I loved Ender's Game, but I've had a harder and harder time enjoying Card's work over the years, as I've learned more about his personal beliefs. Watching those beliefs creep into more of his stories hasn't helped matters either.

I have seen a fair number of folks speaking up to say he's full of crap, though.
(no subject) - tabaquis - Jul. 30th, 2008 04:20 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - stargatedragon - Jul. 30th, 2008 04:28 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - tabaquis - Jul. 30th, 2008 06:40 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - ororo - Aug. 1st, 2008 04:34 pm (UTC) - Expand
ogre_san
Jul. 30th, 2008 02:39 pm (UTC)
I just don't understand it. No gay person has ever threatened my marriage. Not even once.

You think it's because I'm just not attractive?
jimhines
Jul. 30th, 2008 02:44 pm (UTC)
Huh. I had only been married for a week the first time ninjas in rainbow-camoflage smashed through my windows and tried to destroy my marriage. Maybe you're lucky enough to live in one of the few remaining safe spaces for straight people?
(no subject) - ginasketch - Jul. 30th, 2008 03:05 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - jadesfire55 - Jul. 30th, 2008 03:09 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - deire - Jul. 31st, 2008 04:39 am (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - dsmoen - Jul. 30th, 2008 05:49 pm (UTC) - Expand
catrambo
Jul. 30th, 2008 02:59 pm (UTC)
You consistently rock the house, Mr. Hines. Thanks.
alanajoli
Jul. 30th, 2008 03:03 pm (UTC)
I was just going to respond about how I loved your rant (and your awesome subject title!), but then I went to go read Card's article. And here's the thing--the problem with "democracy in America" being at risk has nothing to do with the gay marriage issue, though he ties them together. It has to do with laws being made and unmade by the courts, rather than by the legislature. This has been true probably since the Civil Rights movement, if not before, and a lot of *good* has come out of that.

But letting the judicial system make the laws rather than thte actual legislature is, in fact, dangerous. It makes the checks and balances go all wacky. And it's a problem.

California, by having Prop 8 on their ballot, is definitely embracing democracy (although still not putting law in the hands of the legislature--so actually, they're embracing democracy in a more thorough way by putting law in the hands of the people, which comes with its own issues). So Card is simply wrong in more than one way. But I do worry about our checks and balances system when the courts make law rather than interpreting it--and that, really, is something I wish more folks were concerned about.
jimhines
Jul. 30th, 2008 03:08 pm (UTC)
It's a separate argument, and I agree it's a more interesting one to have. Personally, I'm blurry on the line between making/unmaking laws vs. interpreting what laws exist. Did the California courts rewrite the laws, or did they simply require the laws to conform to the state constitution? (I don't know the details well enough to give a precise answer on that.)
(no subject) - alanajoli - Jul. 30th, 2008 03:11 pm (UTC) - Expand
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(no subject) - ms_daisy_cutter - Jul. 30th, 2008 06:24 pm (UTC) - Expand
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(no subject) - alanajoli - Jul. 31st, 2008 02:25 am (UTC) - Expand
positivelyb
Jul. 30th, 2008 03:05 pm (UTC)
*snort*

Gaytrimony is SO my word of the day.
haddayr
Jul. 30th, 2008 03:09 pm (UTC)
best. subject line. evAR.
wishwords
Jul. 30th, 2008 03:22 pm (UTC)
Because of you, an entire Panera Bread restaurant just went quiet and stared at the crazy laughing woman in the corner. And my writing partner edged away from me.

It's so sad. I love Ender's Game. It's almost like it was written by another person.

I still can't figure out how gay marriage is going to ruin my marriage. Are our gay friends sitting at home plotting to lure one of us away? I have this hilarious picture of a man offering my husband a honking huge diamond engagement ring as incentive. Just boggles.
tabaquis
Jul. 30th, 2008 04:23 pm (UTC)
From what I understand, after listening to many a 'phobe rant, is that it makes hetero marriage mean less, because it's been applied to a lesser form of bonding. Like, if you were a 4-star general, and suddenly the military decided to promote EVERYONE to 4-stars, then your stars don't mean anything anymore.

The whitewash, of course, comes from the fact that there's literally NO difference between homo and hetero marriage, except in the eyes of these tweaks.
(no subject) - wishwords - Jul. 30th, 2008 05:14 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - jimhines - Jul. 30th, 2008 05:22 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - wishwords - Jul. 30th, 2008 05:30 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - ms_daisy_cutter - Jul. 30th, 2008 06:25 pm (UTC) - Expand
stillnotbored
Jul. 30th, 2008 03:24 pm (UTC)
Wow, Orson was into the special kool-aid again.

That stuff rots your brain and you never know how you'll end up.

One day you're frothing about the downfall of democracy because people with matching parts love each other, the next you could be drooling on your rainbow pjs, watching Sponge Bob and liking it.

Slippery slope and all that.
jimhines
Jul. 30th, 2008 05:21 pm (UTC)
D'oh! I completely forgot to work SpongeBob into my rant. Sigh...
(no subject) - ms_daisy_cutter - Jul. 30th, 2008 06:26 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - stillnotbored - Jul. 30th, 2008 07:02 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - jimhines - Jul. 30th, 2008 07:07 pm (UTC) - Expand
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(no subject) - jimhines - Jul. 30th, 2008 07:27 pm (UTC) - Expand
janegodzilla
Jul. 30th, 2008 03:26 pm (UTC)
Posts like these are the reason you're one of my favorite people to read.

I have to say, I was particularly confused by his argument that rising divorce rates and adultery and whatnot in heterosexual marriage means that homosexuals definitely shouldn't get married. Because...they'll make things worse? I always feel really lost when I read his rants, because whatever logic is there just. doesn't. compute.
robinbridges
Jul. 30th, 2008 03:26 pm (UTC)
Did I say overlords? I meant protectors...
Oh great, now I have this song stuck in my head.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i5M9UTlDb10&feature=user
ericmarin
Jul. 30th, 2008 03:36 pm (UTC)
LOL!
herefox
Jul. 30th, 2008 03:49 pm (UTC)
Oooh! I'm all ready to be an overlord. I've read the rules and everything!

I always have to wonder, when reading rants like his, what people are thinking to actually say such awful things in a public forum. It just makes people edge away from you slowly in case the crazy is catchy.

And Richard Simmon's is no longer head of the rainbow militia...he was ousted due to his refusual to wax his back hair. Now there's a counter movement full of Mad Scientist chic led by Neil Patrick Harris...
jimhines
Jul. 30th, 2008 05:20 pm (UTC)
"Richard Simmon's is no longer head of the rainbow militia...he was ousted due to his refusual to wax his back hair. Now there's a counter movement full of Mad Scientist chic led by Neil Patrick Harris..."

See, this is what I get for letting my newsletter subscription lapse.
Captain Non-Sequitur Strikes! - sistercoyote - Jul. 31st, 2008 04:36 am (UTC) - Expand
tsubaki_ny
Jul. 30th, 2008 03:55 pm (UTC)
I hate the dichotomy between how much I love his writing (at least the older stuff) and how much some his politics make me want to gouge out my eyes.

How could the guy who wrote "Songmaster" turn around and pull this shit?
tabaquis
Jul. 30th, 2008 04:24 pm (UTC)
Um, did you read the part in Songmaster where Joseph ends up dead for daring to try and enact his homosexual agenda on the Songbird? That's how.
(no subject) - tsubaki_ny - Jul. 30th, 2008 05:00 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - tabaquis - Jul. 30th, 2008 06:45 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - jimhines - Jul. 30th, 2008 06:48 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - tsubaki_ny - Jul. 30th, 2008 08:03 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - tabaquis - Jul. 30th, 2008 08:05 pm (UTC) - Expand
wordswoman
Jul. 30th, 2008 03:56 pm (UTC)
I never could follow the logic behind the claim that allowing homosexual marriage somehow weakens heterosexual marriage. What, are all the cool hetero couples going to stop going to the marital country club if we let "those" people in?

If serial monogamy, the high divorce rate, and marriage turned into reality-show entertainment hasn't already tolled the death knell for heterosexual marriage, I fail to see how loving gay couples making a lifetime commitment to one another is going to bring it down.

Thanks for a great post!
jimhines
Jul. 30th, 2008 05:19 pm (UTC)
Check this comment. I don't agree with the dilution theory, but I can wrap my brain around how someone with very different beliefs might feel that way. I think they're wrong as hell, but I can kind of understand it.

This is my fifth year of marriage, so I'm still relatively new at it. But so far, while there have been speed bumps along the way, gay marriage just hasn't been one of them.
I prefer my husband's thought - dsmoen - Jul. 30th, 2008 05:53 pm (UTC) - Expand
Re: I prefer my husband's thought - jimhines - Jul. 30th, 2008 05:54 pm (UTC) - Expand
Re: I prefer my husband's thought - tabaquis - Jul. 30th, 2008 06:46 pm (UTC) - Expand
Re: I prefer my husband's thought - tsubaki_ny - Jul. 30th, 2008 08:05 pm (UTC) - Expand
greenmtnboy18
Jul. 30th, 2008 04:11 pm (UTC)
BWAHHAHAHAHAH!

And another one falls into line with our Agenda!

Exxxxcellent.
jimhines
Jul. 30th, 2008 05:19 pm (UTC)
Resistance is futile.
(no subject) - deire - Jul. 31st, 2008 04:45 am (UTC) - Expand
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