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Writing: The RPG (Part 2)

Part 1 is here.

Game Master: (Rolling dice) Ooh ... that's not good.

Jim: What? What happened.

GM: (Rolls again) Youch.

Jim: (Throws a Dorito at the Game Master)

GM: Sorry about this. You've been challenging a lot of high-level markets lately. It looks like three of them have decided to gang up and launch simultaneous Rejection Attacks. Amazing, Weird Tales, and Realms of Fantasy flank you on three sides. That's a +2 bonus-- No, wait. That's cumulative, so +6 to their attack.

Jim: (Whimpers) Another Ego Saving Throw? Remember, I'm second level now, and I should have bonuses for finally selling something to Marion Zimmer Bradley.

GM: Good point. That gives you a +3. You need to roll a 32.

Jim: It's a 20-sided die!

GM: (Rolls) Their combined attack does 16 Ego Points of damage.

Jim: (Crumples his character sheet) I'm at negative six.

GM: Now wait a minute. You're bleeding ego all over your manuscripts, but you're not dead until you hit minus ten, remember?

Jim: So what can I do?

GM: (Pages through the manual, then rolls several dice) As you're dying, you hear footsteps approaching. Through the darkness, you see the glow of healing magic. A man in glittering editorial robes whispers a spell, and you stabilize at one Ego Point.

Jim: "Thank you, stranger."

GM: "I witnessed your valiant struggle. You fought well and should have triumphed, if not for the treachery of your foes. They attack en masse because they fear your strength. Join me in my quest to overthrow these overlords. Their thrones of power shall be melted down to reward writers such as yourself."

Jim: Sweet - quest hook! Ahem. "Does this mean you wish to lay the Blessing of Publication upon my short story?"

GM: "Noble warrior, I seek to empower your novel."

Jim: (Does the dance of joy) What kind of bonuses do I get for this? A novel publication has to be worth at least three levels, right? Not to mention all of the gold!

GM: The man strokes his goatee and says, "We shall offer you one gold piece as a token of our good faith. Remember, Royalty is the true key to the Writer's power." He produces a quill and scroll and hands them to you.

Jim: Only one gold piece?

GM: "We ask only that you tithe your treasures to us, so that we can combine our wealth to help overthrow the Overlords of Publishing. We will provide you with new tomes to use, for only 30 gold pieces each."

Jim: 30? The handbook says a finished tome should only be about 8 gold. Wait, did you say he has a goatee? I cast Sense Alignment.

GM: (Rolls) You do sense the strong presence of sleaziness.

Jim: I attack. (Rolls)

GM: You hit, and the man stumbles back. He pulls his robe tighter and laughs. "So be it . . . writer. If you will not join me, you will be destroyed." He casts a lightning bolt.

Jim: Son of a crap! How much damage?

GM: (Rolls) It hits for half an Ego Point.

Jim: (Stares) That's it? Wow. My resistance really went up when I hit second level.

GM: Oh, right. I forgot about that. You take no damage.

Jim: Really? So it's all show and no power? (Rubs hands together)

GM: "Beware, young writer. I command more henchmen and followers than you can imagine. With a single word, I shall summon them from the depths of Maryland and they shall--"

Jim: (Rolls) 19! Does that hit?

GM: You cut off his arm. He screams and staggers back, disolving in a putrid cloud. Well done!

Jim: Booyah! So what was that monster, anyway? Some kind of doppelganger?

GM: I found the stats online. So what next? Are you ready to challenge another Editor? That encounter didn't give you enough experience points to hit third level, but you're close.

Jim: I don't think so. I've been getting my ass handed to me for weeks. (Strikes a dramatic pose) It's time for me to join a guild.

42Blips: vote it up!

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Comments

( 74 comments — Leave a comment )
Page 1 of 3
<<[1] [2] [3] >>
ex_paulskem
Dec. 9th, 2008 04:10 pm (UTC)
Excellente!
jimhines
Dec. 9th, 2008 04:12 pm (UTC)
Thank you :-)
jonhansen
Dec. 9th, 2008 04:10 pm (UTC)
Son of a crap! A line I shall soon be using.
jimhines
Dec. 9th, 2008 04:12 pm (UTC)
Blatantly stolen from the Goblins web comic. It's a great line.
(no subject) - jonhansen - Dec. 9th, 2008 04:15 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - jimhines - Dec. 9th, 2008 04:18 pm (UTC) - Expand
suricattus
Dec. 9th, 2008 04:10 pm (UTC)
*has hysterics*


(also, damn it, I'm waiting on a response from RoF. If you've jinxed me...)
jimhines
Dec. 9th, 2008 04:13 pm (UTC)
Thanks! Um ... want to borrow my dice for that RoF submission? I pre-rolled all the 1s out of them :-)
stargatedragon
Dec. 9th, 2008 04:16 pm (UTC)
*chortles merrily*
naturalfractual
Dec. 9th, 2008 04:19 pm (UTC)
Games
totally, awesomely wonderful !!!!!

The link was brilliant. I have read some of the vitrial from some of pseudo writers out there and their 'publishers' and you have dealt them the blow they derserve - Putrid Cloud stike!!.

Thank you
jimhines
Dec. 9th, 2008 04:50 pm (UTC)
Re: Games
Thanks! I'm waiting to see if this draws any heat from Publish America. I'm doubtful -- I'm not a big enough blog, and the link might be too subtle -- but we'll see what happens :-)
Re: Games - barbarienne - Dec. 9th, 2008 09:22 pm (UTC) - Expand
mmuenzler
Dec. 9th, 2008 04:24 pm (UTC)
Hee hee! Awesome! PA is slain at last!
(Deleted comment)
(no subject) - mmuenzler - Dec. 9th, 2008 04:28 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - jimhines - Dec. 9th, 2008 04:36 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - marycatelli - Dec. 9th, 2008 11:25 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - jimhines - Dec. 9th, 2008 11:33 pm (UTC) - Expand
dedbutdrmng
Dec. 9th, 2008 04:31 pm (UTC)
As a first level neophyte I watched your battle with awe.

In a recent battle with the Dread Lord Interzone I attempted to cast 'righteous indignation'. Sadly, my attempts were pathetic and I ended up losing all my HP and having to respawn.
jimhines
Dec. 9th, 2008 04:48 pm (UTC)
I've been there, and I feel your pain.
klingonguy
Dec. 9th, 2008 04:37 pm (UTC)
too funny!
jimhines
Dec. 9th, 2008 04:49 pm (UTC)
Thanks :-) I don't know how long I'll be able to keep these up, but I'm enjoying 'em.
linen
Dec. 9th, 2008 04:45 pm (UTC)
And with that my final exam is forgotten! Hurrah!
jimhines
Dec. 9th, 2008 04:49 pm (UTC)
Excellent! Then my work here is done :-)
rugor
Dec. 9th, 2008 05:18 pm (UTC)
Great fun - I love these tales (as I work on another short).

Must sub more!

Must sub more!

christinenorris
Dec. 9th, 2008 06:10 pm (UTC)
Bwhahahahahaha!

They tried to lob a lawyer at me, those minions from Maryland. But I repelled them with my Shield of Truth.

(I don't play RPG's, so if I sound like a dork, that's why.)
jimhines
Dec. 9th, 2008 06:12 pm (UTC)
I just wrote 700 words about writing as a role-playing game, and *you're* worried about sounding like a dork? :-)

I'm glad to hear you send them packing!
sylvia_rachel
Dec. 9th, 2008 06:25 pm (UTC)
:snork snork:

I love it!
jimhines
Dec. 9th, 2008 06:49 pm (UTC)
Thanks :-)
(Deleted comment)
jimhines
Dec. 9th, 2008 06:49 pm (UTC)
Curse those unexpected Dexterity checks!
(Deleted comment)
jimhines
Dec. 9th, 2008 06:48 pm (UTC)
Glad to hear it :-)

I have no armor, but how does this work?

(Deleted comment)
(no subject) - jimhines - Dec. 9th, 2008 07:47 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - crinklequirk - Dec. 9th, 2008 08:31 pm (UTC) - Expand
acetachyon
Dec. 9th, 2008 07:35 pm (UTC)
Bwahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!

PA as monster. I love it!
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( 74 comments — Leave a comment )

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