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20 Neil Gaiman Facts

  1. Neil Gaiman once wrote a Nebula-winning story using only the middle row of his keyboard.
  2. Harper Collins has taken out a 2.5 million dollar insurance policy on Neil Gaiman’s accent.
  3. If you write 1000 words and Neil Gaiman writes 1000 words, Neil Gaiman has written more than you.
  4. Neil Gaiman does not use Microsoft’s grammar-check.  Microsoft uses a Gaiman-check.
  5. Neil Gaiman once did the New York Times crossword puzzle in pen.  In fifteen minutes.  He won two Hugo awards for it.
  6. Neil Gaiman is who the Ghostbusters call.
  7. Most agents charge a 15% commission.  Neil Gaiman’s agent pays him an extra 15% for the privilege of saying “I’m Neil Gaiman’s agent.”
  8. William Shakespeare once came back from the dead to ask for Neil Gaiman’s autograph.
  9. Neil Gaiman is the reason nobody teaches “I before E except after C” anymore.
  10. Some writers take inspiration from the muse.  The muse takes inspiration from Neil Gaiman.
  11. Neil Gaiman once groped Harlan Ellison.
  12. The pen is mightier than the sword; Neil Gaiman has mastered fourteen different styles of penmanship.
  13. Rumor has it that a NY editor rejected Neil Gaiman’s first book.  This can not be confirmed, as the editor in question was never heard from again.
  14. Neil Gaiman can tweet 175 characters.
  15. Neil Gaiman’s personal library includes an autographed copy of the Necronomicon.
  16. Hitler actually won World War II.  Then Neil Gaiman wrote an alternate-history story in which the allies won, and reality was too intimidated to argue the point.
  17. Some authors write in omniscient point of view.  Neil Gaiman lives it.
  18. Neil Gaiman’s next novel is expected to win the Nebula, the Hugo, and the Heisman Trophy.
  19. In any given week, 7 of the top 10 books on the NYT Bestseller List are by pseudonyms of Neil Gaiman.
  20. Neil Gaiman has never written a deus ex machina ending.  However, God once wrote a Gaiman ex machina ending.

Mirrored from Jim C. Hines.

Comments

( 201 comments — Leave a comment )
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machineiv
Sep. 7th, 2009 04:22 pm (UTC)
The great thing is, Neil Gaiman will see this and love it. He won't admonish you for posting it, because of nutso religious beliefs.
jimhines
Sep. 7th, 2009 04:24 pm (UTC)
Nutso religious beliefs ... oh, you mean regarding #20? I hope not. That was one of my favorites :-)
(no subject) - machineiv - Sep. 7th, 2009 04:25 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - jimhines - Sep. 7th, 2009 04:28 pm (UTC) - Expand
sheryl67
Sep. 7th, 2009 04:23 pm (UTC)
This is VERY silly... and also hilarious.
jimhines
Sep. 7th, 2009 04:25 pm (UTC)
Thank you! This is what my brain does to unwind.
jennreese
Sep. 7th, 2009 04:25 pm (UTC)
LOL!!! Awesome!
jimhines
Sep. 7th, 2009 04:26 pm (UTC)
Not as awesome as modded Nerf guns! I need to figure out how to remove the air resistance things you mentioned. (I've got the same gun as you, but mine is unmodified.)
(no subject) - jennreese - Sep. 7th, 2009 04:29 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - jimhines - Sep. 7th, 2009 04:31 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - tsubaki_ny - Sep. 7th, 2009 08:07 pm (UTC) - Expand
filamena
Sep. 7th, 2009 04:25 pm (UTC)
I laughed so hard and for so long at #3 that I scared my daughter.

This is fantastic. I will be reposting and crediting you all over the intertubes.
jimhines
Sep. 7th, 2009 04:27 pm (UTC)
Thank you! #3 was the only one that was based on one of the Chuck Norris facts:

If you have $5 and Chuck Norris has $5, Chuck Norris has more money than you.

I like the writing version better :-)
(no subject) - filamena - Sep. 7th, 2009 04:30 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - snapes_angel - Sep. 8th, 2009 04:37 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - (Anonymous) - Feb. 2nd, 2010 09:20 am (UTC) - Expand
cathellisen
Sep. 7th, 2009 04:30 pm (UTC)
seven made me laugh for reasons I won't go into.
yendi
Sep. 7th, 2009 04:32 pm (UTC)
Love the entire list, but #14, in particular, cracked me up.
jimhines
Sep. 7th, 2009 04:34 pm (UTC)
Thank you! #14 was actually a last-minute addition.
jonquil
Sep. 7th, 2009 04:41 pm (UTC)
::applause::
jonquil
Sep. 7th, 2009 04:42 pm (UTC)
True story: Neil Gaiman once signed my teenage daughter's book. The next person in line told him it was my daughter's birthday (quite true). Neil called her back and made an enormous fuss of her before moving on. She smiled the rest of the day.
jimhines
Sep. 7th, 2009 04:47 pm (UTC)
I haven't hung out with the man, but everything I've seen and heard about him put him squarely in the Classy Author category.
(no subject) - shsilver - Sep. 7th, 2009 08:20 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - cathellisen - Sep. 7th, 2009 05:48 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - b_writes - Sep. 7th, 2009 06:26 pm (UTC) - Expand
orcaarrow
Sep. 7th, 2009 04:46 pm (UTC)
Thank you! This is wonderful! I need to share this with all I know! Well, those I know who read Neil!
jimhines
Sep. 7th, 2009 04:47 pm (UTC)
You're very welcome. Glad you liked it!
(no subject) - herk227 - Sep. 8th, 2009 09:28 am (UTC) - Expand
time_shark
Sep. 7th, 2009 04:48 pm (UTC)
I am absolutely delighted at the idea of Neil with a Heisman Trophy. Let's make it happen.
coppervale
Sep. 7th, 2009 04:52 pm (UTC)
#21 - When they transferred all of Chuck Norris' movies to DVD, they re-dubbed his dialogue using Neil Gaiman's voice.
jimhines
Sep. 7th, 2009 05:04 pm (UTC)
Excellent!
sylvia_rachel
Sep. 7th, 2009 04:52 pm (UTC)
Awesome :D

DH, DD (who hadn't quite learned to walk yet), and I once met Neil Gaiman at a book signing. He was so nice, and the reason the line-up moved so slowly turned out to be that he was talking to everyone, doing sketches in their books (my copy of Neverwhere now has a monster peeping out around the flyleaf saying "Mind the Gap"), and saying "Sure!" to all requests for photos. Guy is a class act.
jimhines
Sep. 7th, 2009 05:04 pm (UTC)
That matches everything I've heard about the man.
(no subject) - melissajm - Sep. 7th, 2009 08:05 pm (UTC) - Expand
agilebrit
Sep. 7th, 2009 04:52 pm (UTC)
That is the most awesome thing I will see all day.

Had I been stupid enough to read this with anything in my mouth, it would have exited. Explosively. Several times. The Harlan Ellison one is especially golden.
jimhines
Sep. 7th, 2009 05:05 pm (UTC)
::Grin:: Thank you!
queenoftheskies
Sep. 7th, 2009 04:53 pm (UTC)
OMG, FUNNY!
sartorias
Sep. 7th, 2009 04:58 pm (UTC)
Definitely signs of "cult of the author."
ex_kaz_maho
Sep. 7th, 2009 04:59 pm (UTC)
These are brilliant, but for some reason #5 has me giggling like a loon. Thanks for the laughs! :D
jimhines
Sep. 7th, 2009 05:05 pm (UTC)
You know, so far everyone has picked a different fact as their favorite. I don't know what this means, but the writer part of my brain finds it fascinating...
(no subject) - vayshti - Sep. 9th, 2009 12:39 pm (UTC) - Expand
hyptosis
Sep. 7th, 2009 05:03 pm (UTC)
haha, well done =P
coppervale
Sep. 7th, 2009 05:05 pm (UTC)
#5b - Several Science Fiction authors protested the Hugos, on the basis that the crossword puzzle wasn't SF. The Hugo committee changed the rules under the new "Gaiman Exemption" and then took away all of the protesters' Hugos, and retroactively awarded them to Neil Gaiman.
wldhrsjen3
Sep. 7th, 2009 05:07 pm (UTC)
Bwahahahaha! :D I love this.
kellyrfineman
Sep. 7th, 2009 05:13 pm (UTC)
Found this via Karen Mahoney. Can't decide if I'm happy about it or not, having laughed myself into a stitch in my side.
jimhines
Sep. 7th, 2009 05:35 pm (UTC)
Do I need to add a liability disclaimer at the top? ;-)
(Deleted comment)
jimhines
Sep. 7th, 2009 05:36 pm (UTC)
Thank you! I liked #12 a lot :-)
jaylake
Sep. 7th, 2009 05:24 pm (UTC)
Hahahahahahahahahahahaha
catephoenix
Sep. 7th, 2009 05:47 pm (UTC)
You are far too cool - though not as cool as Gaiman. ;)
jimhines
Sep. 7th, 2009 05:48 pm (UTC)
I've got the leather jacket, but without the hair there's only so much I can do!
(no subject) - dr_phil_physics - Sep. 7th, 2009 06:38 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - jimhines - Sep. 7th, 2009 06:41 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - dr_phil_physics - Sep. 7th, 2009 11:21 pm (UTC) - Expand
stillnotbored
Sep. 7th, 2009 05:48 pm (UTC)
I was laughing and then I got to number 11 and fell out of my chair.

My hero. *g*
csinman
Sep. 7th, 2009 06:59 pm (UTC)
That was the one that really killed me, too. XD
(no subject) - hazelbroom - Sep. 9th, 2009 09:07 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - jimhines - Sep. 9th, 2009 09:14 pm (UTC) - Expand
chamois_shimi
Sep. 7th, 2009 05:52 pm (UTC)
I read this out loud to my husband, laughing until I cried -- he didn't really get all of it, but he did like #16 a lot. ;D
jimhines
Sep. 7th, 2009 05:55 pm (UTC)
Yay! Some of 'em definitely require more insider knowledge. Groping Harlan Ellison won't make sense to most people, for example. Heck, I wouldn't have understood the Twitter one until just recently. I'm glad he was amused by the end :-)
(no subject) - keris45 - Sep. 8th, 2009 01:13 am (UTC) - Expand
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