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20 Neil Gaiman Facts

  1. Neil Gaiman once wrote a Nebula-winning story using only the middle row of his keyboard.
  2. Harper Collins has taken out a 2.5 million dollar insurance policy on Neil Gaiman’s accent.
  3. If you write 1000 words and Neil Gaiman writes 1000 words, Neil Gaiman has written more than you.
  4. Neil Gaiman does not use Microsoft’s grammar-check.  Microsoft uses a Gaiman-check.
  5. Neil Gaiman once did the New York Times crossword puzzle in pen.  In fifteen minutes.  He won two Hugo awards for it.
  6. Neil Gaiman is who the Ghostbusters call.
  7. Most agents charge a 15% commission.  Neil Gaiman’s agent pays him an extra 15% for the privilege of saying “I’m Neil Gaiman’s agent.”
  8. William Shakespeare once came back from the dead to ask for Neil Gaiman’s autograph.
  9. Neil Gaiman is the reason nobody teaches “I before E except after C” anymore.
  10. Some writers take inspiration from the muse.  The muse takes inspiration from Neil Gaiman.
  11. Neil Gaiman once groped Harlan Ellison.
  12. The pen is mightier than the sword; Neil Gaiman has mastered fourteen different styles of penmanship.
  13. Rumor has it that a NY editor rejected Neil Gaiman’s first book.  This can not be confirmed, as the editor in question was never heard from again.
  14. Neil Gaiman can tweet 175 characters.
  15. Neil Gaiman’s personal library includes an autographed copy of the Necronomicon.
  16. Hitler actually won World War II.  Then Neil Gaiman wrote an alternate-history story in which the allies won, and reality was too intimidated to argue the point.
  17. Some authors write in omniscient point of view.  Neil Gaiman lives it.
  18. Neil Gaiman’s next novel is expected to win the Nebula, the Hugo, and the Heisman Trophy.
  19. In any given week, 7 of the top 10 books on the NYT Bestseller List are by pseudonyms of Neil Gaiman.
  20. Neil Gaiman has never written a deus ex machina ending.  However, God once wrote a Gaiman ex machina ending.

Mirrored from Jim C. Hines.

Comments

( 201 comments — Leave a comment )
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ex_kaz_maho
Sep. 7th, 2009 04:59 pm (UTC)
These are brilliant, but for some reason #5 has me giggling like a loon. Thanks for the laughs! :D
jimhines
Sep. 7th, 2009 05:05 pm (UTC)
You know, so far everyone has picked a different fact as their favorite. I don't know what this means, but the writer part of my brain finds it fascinating...
(no subject) - vayshti - Sep. 9th, 2009 12:39 pm (UTC) - Expand
hyptosis
Sep. 7th, 2009 05:03 pm (UTC)
haha, well done =P
coppervale
Sep. 7th, 2009 05:05 pm (UTC)
#5b - Several Science Fiction authors protested the Hugos, on the basis that the crossword puzzle wasn't SF. The Hugo committee changed the rules under the new "Gaiman Exemption" and then took away all of the protesters' Hugos, and retroactively awarded them to Neil Gaiman.
wldhrsjen3
Sep. 7th, 2009 05:07 pm (UTC)
Bwahahahaha! :D I love this.
kellyrfineman
Sep. 7th, 2009 05:13 pm (UTC)
Found this via Karen Mahoney. Can't decide if I'm happy about it or not, having laughed myself into a stitch in my side.
jimhines
Sep. 7th, 2009 05:35 pm (UTC)
Do I need to add a liability disclaimer at the top? ;-)
(Deleted comment)
jimhines
Sep. 7th, 2009 05:36 pm (UTC)
Thank you! I liked #12 a lot :-)
jaylake
Sep. 7th, 2009 05:24 pm (UTC)
Hahahahahahahahahahahaha
catephoenix
Sep. 7th, 2009 05:47 pm (UTC)
You are far too cool - though not as cool as Gaiman. ;)
jimhines
Sep. 7th, 2009 05:48 pm (UTC)
I've got the leather jacket, but without the hair there's only so much I can do!
(no subject) - dr_phil_physics - Sep. 7th, 2009 06:38 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - jimhines - Sep. 7th, 2009 06:41 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - dr_phil_physics - Sep. 7th, 2009 11:21 pm (UTC) - Expand
(Deleted comment)
csinman
Sep. 7th, 2009 06:59 pm (UTC)
That was the one that really killed me, too. XD
(Deleted comment)
(no subject) - jimhines - Sep. 9th, 2009 09:14 pm (UTC) - Expand
chamois_shimi
Sep. 7th, 2009 05:52 pm (UTC)
I read this out loud to my husband, laughing until I cried -- he didn't really get all of it, but he did like #16 a lot. ;D
jimhines
Sep. 7th, 2009 05:55 pm (UTC)
Yay! Some of 'em definitely require more insider knowledge. Groping Harlan Ellison won't make sense to most people, for example. Heck, I wouldn't have understood the Twitter one until just recently. I'm glad he was amused by the end :-)
(no subject) - keris45 - Sep. 8th, 2009 01:13 am (UTC) - Expand
woodrunner
Sep. 7th, 2009 05:53 pm (UTC)

Number 6 for the win. I laughed so hard that my dogs looked at me like I was nuts.

michaeldthomas
Sep. 7th, 2009 05:56 pm (UTC)
Jim wins the Internets! :-)
kyrielle
Sep. 7th, 2009 05:59 pm (UTC)
I cannot pick a favorite, they are too good. And I am laughing too hard. :D
mtgwanderer
Sep. 7th, 2009 06:01 pm (UTC)
For a Neil/Chuck Crossover.

Chuck Norris only exists as part of one of Neil Gaiman's books. He dies horribly at the end.
kenllama
Sep. 7th, 2009 06:01 pm (UTC)
These are hilarious - thank you =)

(and just checking: you wrote these?)

jimhines
Sep. 7th, 2009 06:03 pm (UTC)
Thank you! And yes, I wrote these and a few others that didn't make the cut over the past few days. Apparently this is what my brain does to destress :-)
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( 201 comments — Leave a comment )

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