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20 Neil Gaiman Facts

  1. Neil Gaiman once wrote a Nebula-winning story using only the middle row of his keyboard.
  2. Harper Collins has taken out a 2.5 million dollar insurance policy on Neil Gaiman’s accent.
  3. If you write 1000 words and Neil Gaiman writes 1000 words, Neil Gaiman has written more than you.
  4. Neil Gaiman does not use Microsoft’s grammar-check.  Microsoft uses a Gaiman-check.
  5. Neil Gaiman once did the New York Times crossword puzzle in pen.  In fifteen minutes.  He won two Hugo awards for it.
  6. Neil Gaiman is who the Ghostbusters call.
  7. Most agents charge a 15% commission.  Neil Gaiman’s agent pays him an extra 15% for the privilege of saying “I’m Neil Gaiman’s agent.”
  8. William Shakespeare once came back from the dead to ask for Neil Gaiman’s autograph.
  9. Neil Gaiman is the reason nobody teaches “I before E except after C” anymore.
  10. Some writers take inspiration from the muse.  The muse takes inspiration from Neil Gaiman.
  11. Neil Gaiman once groped Harlan Ellison.
  12. The pen is mightier than the sword; Neil Gaiman has mastered fourteen different styles of penmanship.
  13. Rumor has it that a NY editor rejected Neil Gaiman’s first book.  This can not be confirmed, as the editor in question was never heard from again.
  14. Neil Gaiman can tweet 175 characters.
  15. Neil Gaiman’s personal library includes an autographed copy of the Necronomicon.
  16. Hitler actually won World War II.  Then Neil Gaiman wrote an alternate-history story in which the allies won, and reality was too intimidated to argue the point.
  17. Some authors write in omniscient point of view.  Neil Gaiman lives it.
  18. Neil Gaiman’s next novel is expected to win the Nebula, the Hugo, and the Heisman Trophy.
  19. In any given week, 7 of the top 10 books on the NYT Bestseller List are by pseudonyms of Neil Gaiman.
  20. Neil Gaiman has never written a deus ex machina ending.  However, God once wrote a Gaiman ex machina ending.

Mirrored from Jim C. Hines.

Comments

( 201 comments — Leave a comment )
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woodrunner
Sep. 7th, 2009 05:53 pm (UTC)

Number 6 for the win. I laughed so hard that my dogs looked at me like I was nuts.

michaeldthomas
Sep. 7th, 2009 05:56 pm (UTC)
Jim wins the Internets! :-)
kyrielle
Sep. 7th, 2009 05:59 pm (UTC)
I cannot pick a favorite, they are too good. And I am laughing too hard. :D
mtgwanderer
Sep. 7th, 2009 06:01 pm (UTC)
For a Neil/Chuck Crossover.

Chuck Norris only exists as part of one of Neil Gaiman's books. He dies horribly at the end.
kenllama
Sep. 7th, 2009 06:01 pm (UTC)
These are hilarious - thank you =)

(and just checking: you wrote these?)

jimhines
Sep. 7th, 2009 06:03 pm (UTC)
Thank you! And yes, I wrote these and a few others that didn't make the cut over the past few days. Apparently this is what my brain does to destress :-)
mordraeth
Sep. 7th, 2009 06:12 pm (UTC)
That's awesome Jim.
(Deleted comment)
jimhines
Sep. 7th, 2009 06:25 pm (UTC)
Thank you :-)

#3 is the only one that was modified from the original Chuck Norris list. "If you have $5 and Chuck Norris has $5, Chuck Norris has more money than you."
b_writes
Sep. 7th, 2009 06:28 pm (UTC)
My favorite is 6, but I suspect that's because I'm a child of the eighties!
jimhines
Sep. 7th, 2009 06:29 pm (UTC)
Neil Gaiman solved the Rubix Cube in 7 minutes. One-handed.
(no subject) - b_writes - Sep. 7th, 2009 06:31 pm (UTC) - Expand
dr_phil_physics
Sep. 7th, 2009 06:31 pm (UTC)
Neil Gaiman Envy much, Jim?

Dr. Phil
jimhines
Sep. 7th, 2009 07:04 pm (UTC)
Only the hair. And the accent. And the massively successful writing career...
(no subject) - damhan_alluidh - Sep. 7th, 2009 08:04 pm (UTC) - Expand
kaolinfire
Sep. 7th, 2009 06:31 pm (UTC)
Win!
kltownsend
Sep. 7th, 2009 06:40 pm (UTC)
Found via twitter. Awesome!
(Deleted comment)
jimhines
Sep. 7th, 2009 06:47 pm (UTC)
I was very much riffing off of the Chuck Norris fact lists when I wrote these.

Chuck Norris could roundhouse kick Neil Gaiman. But Neil Gaiman could write Chuck Norris out of existence.

Gaiman wins!
(no subject) - bondo_ba - Sep. 7th, 2009 07:41 pm (UTC) - Expand
kmarkhoover
Sep. 7th, 2009 06:48 pm (UTC)
lol, good stuff
corucia
Sep. 7th, 2009 06:53 pm (UTC)
Neil Gaiman's stories have rescued fourteen gods from oblivion. The Catholic Church and Fundamentalist Protestants consider this a major setback.
(Deleted comment)
metafrantic
Sep. 7th, 2009 06:55 pm (UTC)
Hilarious! You forgot to include AFP, though:

Amanda Palmer once borrowed Neil Gaiman's pen to write a love song. But she can't sing it for anyone but Neil, because anyone else's ears would burst into flame.
c_smudge
Sep. 7th, 2009 06:58 pm (UTC)
verrry nice
richlayers
Sep. 7th, 2009 07:01 pm (UTC)
Oh this is wonderful. I was seriously thinking about how #1 could be done before I read on....

Can this be reposted? With a link back to you of course.
jimhines
Sep. 7th, 2009 07:03 pm (UTC)
Thank you! I'd prefer a link to simply reposting the whole thing, though if you wanted to include a few lines that wouldn't be a problem.
(no subject) - richlayers - Sep. 8th, 2009 02:49 am (UTC) - Expand
such_heights
Sep. 7th, 2009 07:01 pm (UTC)
Hee, this is really great. :D
wyjoe
Sep. 7th, 2009 07:05 pm (UTC)
You'se taunting the Internets again? Cool!
jimhines
Sep. 7th, 2009 09:31 pm (UTC)
It's how I unwind :-)
bookdraco
Sep. 7th, 2009 07:18 pm (UTC)
Cafepress.com allows one to make their own tee shirts. Can I have your permission to make a tee shirt of this list?
jimhines
Sep. 7th, 2009 09:05 pm (UTC)
Give me a day or two to try to make sure Gaiman has no objections to the list?
(no subject) - bookdraco - Sep. 7th, 2009 10:45 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - neadods - Sep. 8th, 2009 12:18 am (UTC) - Expand
fanbot
Sep. 7th, 2009 07:23 pm (UTC)
Awesome!
damhan_alluidh
Sep. 7th, 2009 08:02 pm (UTC)
He did a signing at a bookstore I worked at. He hung out with the sellers, retreated to recieving for a while to hang with the shelvers and such. (He was also super nice to a friend of mine at a con when she interviewed him.)
punktortoise
Sep. 7th, 2009 08:06 pm (UTC)
#22(?). Whenever aliens land their flying saucer on the White House lawn, they don't bother with all that 'take me to your leader' nonsense. They just ask personally to see Neil.
jimhines
Sep. 7th, 2009 08:37 pm (UTC)
LOL!
(no subject) - punktortoise - Sep. 7th, 2009 08:51 pm (UTC) - Expand
jjschwabach
Sep. 7th, 2009 08:07 pm (UTC)
Okay, I was finding it mildly amusing, (and trying to figure out if I could write a story where the only vowel was "a") until I reached #16. Then I just lost it. You are a very silly man.
manmela
Sep. 7th, 2009 08:16 pm (UTC)
#16 did it for me also. This list is just, as they say in some circles, "full of win"
(no subject) - jjschwabach - Sep. 7th, 2009 09:08 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - jimhines - Sep. 7th, 2009 09:31 pm (UTC) - Expand
realmjit
Sep. 7th, 2009 08:22 pm (UTC)
I'm at a labor Day cookout. I had to share some of these.

I think my favorite is number 15.

BTW, Wookiee showed me a picture online of his personal library, and I drooled.
jimhines
Sep. 7th, 2009 08:38 pm (UTC)
Re: the library, you and me both!
Page 2 of 5
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( 201 comments — Leave a comment )

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