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20 Neil Gaiman Facts

Tick - Typing
  1. Neil Gaiman once wrote a Nebula-winning story using only the middle row of his keyboard.
  2. Harper Collins has taken out a 2.5 million dollar insurance policy on Neil Gaiman’s accent.
  3. If you write 1000 words and Neil Gaiman writes 1000 words, Neil Gaiman has written more than you.
  4. Neil Gaiman does not use Microsoft’s grammar-check.  Microsoft uses a Gaiman-check.
  5. Neil Gaiman once did the New York Times crossword puzzle in pen.  In fifteen minutes.  He won two Hugo awards for it.
  6. Neil Gaiman is who the Ghostbusters call.
  7. Most agents charge a 15% commission.  Neil Gaiman’s agent pays him an extra 15% for the privilege of saying “I’m Neil Gaiman’s agent.”
  8. William Shakespeare once came back from the dead to ask for Neil Gaiman’s autograph.
  9. Neil Gaiman is the reason nobody teaches “I before E except after C” anymore.
  10. Some writers take inspiration from the muse.  The muse takes inspiration from Neil Gaiman.
  11. Neil Gaiman once groped Harlan Ellison.
  12. The pen is mightier than the sword; Neil Gaiman has mastered fourteen different styles of penmanship.
  13. Rumor has it that a NY editor rejected Neil Gaiman’s first book.  This can not be confirmed, as the editor in question was never heard from again.
  14. Neil Gaiman can tweet 175 characters.
  15. Neil Gaiman’s personal library includes an autographed copy of the Necronomicon.
  16. Hitler actually won World War II.  Then Neil Gaiman wrote an alternate-history story in which the allies won, and reality was too intimidated to argue the point.
  17. Some authors write in omniscient point of view.  Neil Gaiman lives it.
  18. Neil Gaiman’s next novel is expected to win the Nebula, the Hugo, and the Heisman Trophy.
  19. In any given week, 7 of the top 10 books on the NYT Bestseller List are by pseudonyms of Neil Gaiman.
  20. Neil Gaiman has never written a deus ex machina ending.  However, God once wrote a Gaiman ex machina ending.

Mirrored from Jim C. Hines.

Comments

( 201 comments — Leave a comment )
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phoenix64
Sep. 8th, 2009 02:04 am (UTC)
Hot diggity that's awesome.
taffimai
Sep. 8th, 2009 02:08 am (UTC)
This caused me to spit-take in the Minneapolis airport. Awesome. Particularly 14 and 16.
tbonejenkins
Sep. 8th, 2009 02:14 am (UTC)
Love the list, especially #3 #5 and #18. But the best one was in the comments: "Chuck Norris can roundhouse kick Neil Gaiman. But Neil Gaiman can write Chuck Norris out of existence." That is so pure epic win.
jimhines
Sep. 8th, 2009 11:52 am (UTC)
I may have to do a Part 2 :-)
(no subject) - brooksmoses - Dec. 30th, 2009 12:43 am (UTC) - Expand
wednes
Sep. 8th, 2009 02:16 am (UTC)
*wipes tear*

Oh man...that was delightful.

#12 made me laugh so loud my husband left World of Warcraft to see what the hell was so funny.
thingswithwings
Sep. 8th, 2009 02:33 am (UTC)
ahahaha #11! GENIUS. And #14 also made me crack up. These are faaaaabulous.
ibroketuesday
Sep. 8th, 2009 03:03 am (UTC)
It's TRUE.
derekjgoodman
Sep. 8th, 2009 03:09 am (UTC)
I've been sitting here staring at my keyboard for the last ten minutes trying to figure out if #1 is possible. If anyone could do it, it would be Neil.
corucia
Sep. 8th, 2009 03:47 am (UTC)
The middle row only has an A for vowels, in the QWERTY layout. I don't know if you could do it with only A and the middle row consonants, but Christian Bok wrote a book in which each chapter only uses words with a single vowel - A being the first chapter, etc.

Online here: http://archives.chbooks.com/online_books/eunoia/text.html

tardis_stowaway
Sep. 8th, 2009 03:29 am (UTC)
This is fantastic! I laughed my head off, then read it aloud to my family, who also laughed.
jimhines
Sep. 8th, 2009 11:53 am (UTC)
Thanks! Very glad to hear it :-)
kalquessa
Sep. 8th, 2009 05:33 am (UTC)
This is the best thing ever. The end.
tomgalloway
Sep. 8th, 2009 07:22 am (UTC)
At Worldcon, when Neil Gaiman put on the Hawaiian shirt I offered him, it turned black.

(Technically, this is actually true. He did put on the Hawaiian shirt I offered him at the start of my interview with him, and as I later realized, its base fabric color was black)
jimhines
Sep. 8th, 2009 11:54 am (UTC)
Ha! Yep, I can believe it.
herk227
Sep. 8th, 2009 09:50 am (UTC)
Lost the count in the comments but probably 31 or so...

31) It's a little known fact that Neil Gaiman is so awesome that his fame spreads through the space-time continuum in ALL directions, obviously every other Neil ever was named after him.

31b) Mesdames Harris, Young and Armstrong are reportedly dissappointed in their sons for not living up to the expectations.
mymatedave
Sep. 8th, 2009 11:15 am (UTC)
Awesomeness!
alanbaxter
Sep. 8th, 2009 11:39 am (UTC)
If Chuck Norris picked a fight with Neil Gaiman, and Neil Gaiman wrote down the fight, who would win?! My brain's imploding!
coraline73
Sep. 8th, 2009 12:02 pm (UTC)
These are fantastic. Thank you!
(Anonymous)
Sep. 8th, 2009 12:35 pm (UTC)
Neil Gaiman can write 13 plot twists in a single novel. Before the prologue starts.
(Anonymous)
Sep. 8th, 2009 12:45 pm (UTC)
can someone please explain #14? i'm obviously a bad fan... ;-s
jimhines
Sep. 8th, 2009 12:47 pm (UTC)
Twitter only allows 140 characters per update. (Check www.twitter.com if you're unfamiliar with Twitter.)
(no subject) - his_spiffyness - Sep. 8th, 2009 10:07 pm (UTC) - Expand
imagines
Sep. 8th, 2009 02:45 pm (UTC)
*helpless laughter*

YOU are the most amazing person on the internet right now, except for Neil Gaiman.
jimhines
Sep. 8th, 2009 02:58 pm (UTC)
High praise indeed! Thank you :-)
(no subject) - imagines - Sep. 8th, 2009 03:43 pm (UTC) - Expand
not_from_stars
Sep. 8th, 2009 03:20 pm (UTC)
*giggles*

Thanks for this.
theturbonerd
Sep. 8th, 2009 05:13 pm (UTC)
Awesome list. As someone else said, you won the Internet today.

However you might not know the following:

- J.K. Rowling created "Harry Potter", but Neil Gaiman created J.K. Rowling

- When a Neil Gaiman manuscript hits a slush pile it turns to snow.

- Neil Gaiman's discarded grocery lists are used as currency in 4 different countries.

- Neil Gaiman's publishers don't edit, they applaud.

- Neil Gaiman has won so many Hugo Award rockets that he's been asked to join NATO. Twice.

- Neil Gaiman is the 13th Doctor.
jimhines
Sep. 8th, 2009 07:23 pm (UTC)
Excellent additions!
(Anonymous)
Sep. 8th, 2009 05:29 pm (UTC)
LOL! Love #7 and #18!
toast_rat
Sep. 8th, 2009 05:54 pm (UTC)
Did Neil Gaiman teach Chuck Norris to kick ass too?
his_spiffyness
Sep. 8th, 2009 09:51 pm (UTC)
Only because Neil Gaiman wrote him that way...
p_sunshine
Sep. 8th, 2009 07:19 pm (UTC)
AWESOME!!!
ellestra
Sep. 8th, 2009 07:19 pm (UTC)
Awesome!

Thanks for letting us know but aren't you afraid what Neil Gaiman will do to you when he learns you told the world about his superpowers? It's one thing for everyone to suspect but other to actually know. Hope you survive when he writes about you :P
jimhines
Sep. 8th, 2009 07:22 pm (UTC)
I bumped into Neil Gaiman a few years ago and made an absolute ass of myself as he was trying to prepare for a reading. He didn't smite me then, so I'm trusting and hoping he'll be as forgiving this time too :-)
a_t_fields
Sep. 8th, 2009 08:21 pm (UTC)
Wonderful list, but 5 and 18 are my absolute favorites.

#24(?) Terry Pratchett was knighted in December of 2008... by Neil Gaiman
juliakarr
Sep. 8th, 2009 10:07 pm (UTC)
Too funny! I'm lovin' #17!
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( 201 comments — Leave a comment )

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