Dear Mister Scalzi,
You knew this day would come. Ever since Chicago, when we faced one another on the stage, hips out-thrust, chests bulging in the instinctive challenge pose, a pose written into our very DNA, the product of millions of years of geeky evolution. From the days when the very first cave-nerd dislocated his spine in order to imitate the ridiculously disproportionate and improbably attired cavewoman on the classic fantasy cave painting Saber-Tooth Vixens of Mars, the true alpha beta upsilon males of our herd have established their dominance through the time-honored tradition of the pose-off.1
As a proud upsilon male, I cannot allow your actions to go unanswered a moment longer. The time has come for you to pose-up or shut up. I challenge you, sir, to a pose off!
Tradition allows you to choose from one of three covers, which I present to you here.
As is the custom of our people, once you post your pose and whatever commentary or extras you wish to include, you shall be judged on accuracy, wardrobe, props, humor, and all-around ridiculousness.
In return, I shall attempt to duplicate the cover of your choosing.2
I look forward to your answer, sir.3
- And also through annoyingly wordy run-on sentences. ↩
- Feel free to choose one of these, or even the same one, or something completely different. DO YOUR WORST, SCALZI! JIM C. HINES DOES NOT FEAR YOU! ↩
- The challenger is not responsible for any injuries suffered in the process of attempting to duplicate these poses. Possible side effects of cover posing include muscle cramps, popped joints, pulled groins, mockery, and increased awareness of sexism. Please consult your doctor if you experience a cover pose lasting longer than four hours. Attempting these poses will void manufacturer’s warranty. Do not pose while using Happy Fun Ball. ↩
Mirrored from Jim C. Hines.