We’re halfway through the month, and the Aicardi Syndrome Foundation fundraiser has brought in more than $7000 in donations. Not to mention sparking more good conversation about sexism in the way women are portrayed and objectified. Thank you all so much.
As before, if any of the pics below bleed off the screen, clicking it should open a new, easier-to-see copy.
This trio of covers included two comic books, because apparently my readers are cruel and sadistic people. As bad as the poses on some covers can be, comics tend to take it even further.
I started with Catwoman Vol. 1: The Game (The New 52).
This was more challenging than I expected, mostly I couldn’t hold the pose for very long without all the blood rushing to my head. Also, the dice kept rolling off of me. (When I was changing outfits afterward, a six-sider fell out of my shirt.) And there’s no way I was going to match the angle of her neck and head without breaking a few things.
On the other hand, I kind of like that outfit on me. There’s kind of a Dread Pirate Roberts vibe there. Or maybe that’s just wishful thinking on my part.
Next up was Fear Itself: The Fearless, Volume 1 #12. Armor like this is absurd in so many ways, and if you don’t understand why, you must immediately go to Women Fighters in Reasonable Armor.
The closest thing I could find to a skintight outfit was my old Star Trek uniform that I happened to have lying around. I was thinking it would–
Yes, I own a Star Trek uniform. I’m a geek. Did anyone not already know this?
Anyway, we tried a few pictures, and my wife said it just wasn’t working without breasts. So she grabbed something from her own wardrobe, I stuffed two play balls down there, and we tried again. The result was … odd. But probably the closest I was going to get to this pose without massive Photoshop abuse.
I saved the worst for last. You see, I was foolish enough to let Sarah from Smart Bitches, Trashy Books choose a pose. NEVER AGAIN, SARAH! She emailed back to suggest Johanna Lindsey’s Man of my Dreams. Not the cover itself, which is rather tame. Oh, no. She wanted me to do the inner artwork.
She wanted me to do this:
So. Many. Inappropriate. Comments.
After several minutes of tearful, deranged giggling, I pulled myself together and gave it my best shot. Some of you will be happy to know that this one features the return of the giant stuffed bear. Because the bear isn’t actually mine, I thought it best to wear shorts for this one. Just because, you know, I’ve traumatized my kids enough, and I didn’t want them thinking of … that … every time they saw the bear.
I’m not even going to include this one in the blog. If you want to see me and the bear, each of us attempting both parts of this image, click here.
Much as I talked about in a previous blog post, while the man here is certainly sexualized, he’s also in the dominant, powerful, and significantly less painful position.
There are more poses to come, including my rematch with John Scalzi and the epic group pose at ConFusion, with Pat Rothfuss, Charlie Stross, John Scalzi, Mary Robinette Kowal, and I.
Hm. Tell you what - when the fundraiser hits $7500, I’ll tell you what cover we’re going to do 
Mirrored from Jim C. Hines.
My Books
(August 2013)
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Comments
But what really gets me? Your toes.
I think the reason comic book cover poses are so much worse than book covers is that most comic book covers are cheaper than most book covers, so the artist doesn't use/can't afford a model. Even the ridiculous book cover poses are often physically possible for a woman (albeit silly and difficult). Whereas poses like the "Fear Itself" one are anatomically impossible. (Her right shoulder is higher than her left, while her left breast is lower. That Does Not Work. Really.)
Edited at 2012-12-17 02:51 pm (UTC)
Also, I think maybe folks should ease off the comic book poses. Comics are orders of magnitude worse than book covers for the utter unrealistic poses. Dear god I hope no one tries to get you to do a McFarlane or Liefield pose. Those are anatomically impossible for Mr. Fantastic.
Also, you actually *needed* play balls to achieve the improbably, aggressively round effect of that silly armor!
That said, I'll reiterate : fantastic idea, amazingly good sport, hilarious results, etc. :)
I think there's a Rebecca Brandywine romance that has a cover even racier than that one...
Also, your supporting foot should -not- be on the floor, it should be on a non-stable rock on a downward slope. It's teh best way to fight, for reals.
These just get better and better.}:P You're so going to need to see a chiro when you're done- several times, methinks.
Although- those bear ones scared me.}:P
Come to think of it, some cartoon characters, of both genders, get into pretty preposterous posturing.
Oh, and I think that all-black Dread Pirate Roberts outfit is pretty awesome on you.
You Sir are a Superhero!
The bear poses completely did me in for some minutes. I did just want to remark that I think the main way you are avoiding traumatizing your kids is that your expression in the first pose is not half-blind with lust (or possibly allergic reaction, it's hard to be sure) like the model's, but rather, it seems, desperately attempting to suppress giggling.
The last pose is extremely instructive. I did laugh because of the bear, but the pose you were in was one of those that really points up the gender disparity in what one gets accustomed to even if one doesn't want to be so accustomed.
P.
I liked the second bear one. That was sillier. the one where the bear sort of stood behind you, and...yea.
For the Poserman outfit, you could probably double it as a pirate thing, just get an eyepatch. They're tricky to wear over a glasses lens, but... XD
Since I can't really stand on my head, I used to do a similar thing, because sometimes, you just need the blood rushing to your head. No one knows why, but.....
So damn brave in the name of charity.
Amazing. Really amazing.
These just keep getting better. I do think you captured (ha!) the Dread Pirate Roberts vibe...although I'm a sucker for a man in a Star Trek uniform. (What, I'm a geek too. You didn't know that yet?)
The bear pose...
I have no words.
Thanks for a much-needed laugh. did I mention you're my hero? Well, you and that poor bear.
Catwoman's pose makes me wonder if cats get beet red under their fur if they lean back like that.....
...I'll do them vertically. (I don't have Photoshop.)
You can sign up with Phixr, which is online and free, or you can download GIMP (my daughter's suggestion), a free, Open Source Photoshop-type product.
Well done!