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#BlameOneNotAll

Copying this from Twitter…

Mirrored from Jim C. Hines.

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( 6 comments — Leave a comment )
rhienelleth
May. 27th, 2015 03:25 pm (UTC)
These statistics are a (necessary) and depressing reminder. I have a hard time understanding how the girls holding up those signs don't seem to fathom that it's great for them if they trust their best friend or their Uncle completely, and have never had a bond of trust between themselves and a close male friend/relative betrayed, but that is not the case for every girl. And when a girl says she was abused or raped by someone she knew or trusted, they are not accusing every man on the planet. They are accusing THAT SPECIFIC MAN.

I am pleased as punch that neither of those young ladies has (apparently) ever been harassed, abused, molested, or raped. None of that changes the fact that my grandfather hurt my Dad, my Uncle, my Aunts, or that he abused and molested me. By saying that, I am NOT saying that every grandfather is a suspicious character not to be trusted. My other grandfather is a loving gift in my life, and always has been. It's pretty easy to see the difference between the two.

And sorry if I ranted a bit. I am so tired of victim blaming and #notallmen reacting defensively to every statement that this shit happens, and continues to happen to girls throughout the world.
jimhines
May. 27th, 2015 04:50 pm (UTC)
Nothing to apologize for. I think this crap is highly rantworthy.
starcat_jewel
May. 27th, 2015 04:05 pm (UTC)
One counter-analogy that I've sometimes found useful is The Woman Who Screams Abuse At A Man For Holding The Door.

How many men are absolutely convinced that this is a thing -- a thing that happens, if not "all the time", at least frequently enough to be worried about it?

How many of them have ever actually witnessed it happening even once?

Assuming it actually happened to them, or to someone they know, how many women would have to smile and say, "Thank you," before they would stop being wary of holding the door for women? Even though the overwhelming majority of women don't do that?

Rape, sexual assault, and sexual harassment happen much more frequently than that. Why are women expected to "get over it" and not be wary of random men, when men are allowed to condemn women in general for a vanishingly-rare behavior?
jimhines
May. 27th, 2015 04:50 pm (UTC)
A similar argument could be made about many men's rampant fear of being falsely accused of rape.
siege
May. 27th, 2015 10:01 pm (UTC)
I hold the door for just about anyone who seems to be headed toward it behind me. It's just sort of a thing I do. I have in fact encountered such a person, but only once in several decades of doing this.

That said, I never compliment anyone on their appearance without a strong prior relationship. I have been verbally assaulted for doing so, and I don't need that kind of attack in my life.
attilathepbnun
May. 28th, 2015 03:00 am (UTC)
I always hold the door for people behind me, too. Sometimes I even walk ahead to open a door for someone with a stroller, walker, etc and have never once been reprimanded for doing so.

Sorry you were yelled at for complimenting someone!
( 6 comments — Leave a comment )

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